In 1996, when I was in my mid-30's, I was diagnosed by a Cognitive Psychologist as suffering from a form of depression. The condition, considered to have been with me from birth, left me with a pre-disposition to react negatively to life situations. My symptoms included severe mood swings (which developed over time into physically violent outbursts, confined to the home environment), low self-esteem and tearfulness. Life felt like an up-hill struggle, every day being filled with a feeling of anger and frustration.

The catalyst to my positive change came one dark and dismal night which, like any other, started with me bitching at poor ol' hubby, then running in tears to our bedroom when he wouldn't 'fight back', feeling every bit a victim but not really knowing why. As usual I flung myself on the bed, in the dark and in complete self-pity, and balled my eyes out. But on this occasion, unlike previous nights, a thought struck me. A thought with such serious implications that it chilled me to the very core of my being; 'If this is what it's all about, I might as well end it'. It was a thought that lasted for a mere moment but for that moment I believed that I wanted to end my life. Then something else happened. I was jolted into an understanding that simply hadn't occurred to me before. In that moment I realised that I'd been accepting my bleak thoughts and moods as simply 'the way life was', blaming outside influences for everything that happened to me; thoughts and feelings included. In that moment I realised that I alone was responsible for the way I think and feel, the two main aspects in life that determine the way I live. It all became so clear, after all, if I had the choice to think a suicidal thought, then ultimately I have the choice to think any way I wish. In which case, it occurred to me, personal responsibility must simply be about choice: Positive and constructive thinking as opposed to the negative and destructive alternative. That moment took me to a very dark and scary place we know as rock bottom; but with my new understanding I was able to make the choice to start moving back up toward the light.

There is a saying that when we're ready to learn the right teacher will appear.

The day after my revelation I went to a bookshop and the book that caught my attention most was Betty Shine's, 'Mind Magic'. It was the first time I'd read anything about the incredible Mind Power we all possess, and the visualisation exercises I worked through wetted my appetite for knowing more about our ability to change negative into positive: And so started my quest for knowledge of Mind Power.

After my initial enthusiastic research I was aware that, although my violent tendencies had all but disappeared and my mood swings weren't as frequent (now just two weeks, instead of the previous four, out of four), I was still finding it difficult to lift the gloom. Although I'd consulted many doctors over the years, desperately asking for help, describing symptoms that were a mystery to me then but that I now know to be classical signs of depression, not one doctor gave me any reason to believe they understood the distress I was living through or gave me any form of medication to help relieve my symptoms. Considering the amount of people prescribed anti-depressants then and now, this fact seems incredible to me but it's one that I'm now very grateful for. Having registered with a new doctor, I decided to try again and get some sort of support for my attempt to move into a positive way of thinking. This time I struck gold. Suspecting that I was suffering from depression, she did the most wonderful thing she could possibly have done; no prescription for anti-depressants (by now I wouldn't have accepted them anyway) but a referral to a brilliant Cognitive Psychologist who helped me put my newly acquired knowledge of Mind Power into everyday use. Through cognitive therapy I gained a fuller understanding of how the way I was thinking directly affected the way I felt and behaved and, most importantly, of how choice of thought was the major influence in all aspects of my life.

As my new found understanding developed, I recognised that my constant 'waiting' for happiness and laughter to descend upon me was futile; that the sparse moments when I felt great through laughter happened only when I allowed it to.

Alongside extensive study of Cognitive Therapy, Psychology and the multitude of self-help and personal development books, workshops and therapies, I started to experiment with the mechanics of Laughter, noticing how regular 'simulated' use sparked a spontaneity that had a dramatically positive effect on both my mind and body. My self-esteem blossomed and my mood swings diminished to a manageable sway.

To this day I incorporate Laughter into my daily exercise routine so that I not only 'live my lingo' but reinforce on a daily basis the power of my mind/body connection. My life is now consistently positive due to a self-awareness that helps me recognise the moment my mind starts to wander along the road of negativity. My pre-disposition for negative thought is, I feel, still with me but I now have the tools to deal with it quickly and effectively.

Perhaps I ought to make it clear here that I'm not saying that I never feel upset, stressed or angry, of course I do, but by dealing with such emotions from a positive mind set, they are dealt with openly and quickly enough to prevent them festering and becoming negative.

It's clear to me now that the frustration and angst of asking for help over so many years, without receiving any clear diagnosis or prescribed 'support', was a blessing. Had I used any form of medication in an attempt to improve my condition, I would never have experienced (or probably believed) my own ability to change the chemical make-up of my mind and body.

As living proof that positive thought and Laughter does make a difference to our wellbeing, my work continues to spread this understanding, in the hope that I can save, at least some people, the unnecessary journey to rock bottom.

My Philosophy

Happiness for me means an inner peace which is a fundamental part of each one of us but only recognisable through the understanding of two words ~ Self Love.

To live with a healthy understanding of your intellect, a caring respect for your body and an ability to learn from mistakes without criticism or blame is to live with a love that not only brings joy to your life but gives that joy to others which is then returned and so the energy of love continues.